How To Get Along with People

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS of
HOW TO GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE

1. Keep skid chains on your tongue. Always say less than you think. Cultivate a low, persuasive voice. How you say it often counts more than what you say.
2. Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully, no matter what the cost.
3. Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind and encouraging word to or about somebody. Praise good work, regardless of who did it. If criticism is needed, offer it gently, never harshly.
4. Be interested in others---their pursuits, their work, their homes and families. Make merry with those who rejoice, and weep with those who mourn. Let everyone you meet, however humble, feel that you regard him or her as a person of importance.
5. Don’t burden or depress those around you by dwelling on your minor aches and pains and small disappointments. Remember, everyone is carrying some kind of burden, often heavier than your own.
6. Keep an open mind. Discuss, but don’t argue. It is the mark of a superior mind to be able to disagree without being disagreeable.
7. Let your virtues, if you have any, speak for themselves. Refuse to talk of other’s vices. Discourage gossip. It is a waste of valuable time, and can be extremely destructive.
8. Be careful of another’s feelings. Wit and humor at another person’s expense may do more damage than you will ever know.
9. Pay no attention to disparaging remarks. Remember, the person who carried the message may not be the most accurate reporter in the world, and things become twisted in the retelling. Live so that nobody will believe them.
10. Don’t be too eager to get the credit due you. Do your best, and be patient. Forget about yourself, and let others “remember”. Success is much sweeter that way.

(Credit Ann Landers)

Read this list last night, passed onto me by a friend. This past year I've been teaching myself to follow these guidelines. While the exact list may be new to me, the principles have been on my mind for some time. Some of them I have gotten better at, some of them I have failed miserably to observe. 

Either way though, it's a good reminder of how to be a better human being. Try it out, see how differently the world responds to you when you do. It's worth a shot, right?

The Born-Again Dater

You could say I was pretty surprised after the guy I had been dating the last two months ended things with me after a series of texts singing my praises the previous day. But the real surprise came a day later in the form of a new BMW Z4 convertible that he had purchased only hours later. And the icing on the cake? The new 25-year-old blonde who would be riding in the passenger seat. 

I don't think it's always appropriate to write about past guys (I'm looking at you, Taylor Swift), but then again, I've never been traded in for 3,000 pounds of metal. But secretly, as a writer, we live for these moments. It's only a matter of time now until I'm the next Lena Dunham.

My friend and I have been tossing around the word 'reinvention' recently. What does it mean for an almost 30 year old to reinvent herself? We're not talking about the "Who am I? What is my purpose in life?" type of questions. I'm fully aware of those answers. No, ours is a question of self-worth and an "others-first" mindset. Fighting our way through the awkward years of questioning everything, it is now time to learn how to be a good friend, a good girlfriend and a good self.

This same friend has a mantra for dating:  Never give them a reason to roll their eyes at you. This meaning, don't become the needy texter, the over-emotional date or the controlling girlfriend. Act with confidence but with respect.

It's interesting dating at this age. The old self would have been more preoccupied with how she was doing on dates than how her date was feeling. She would have text him the first day she didn't hear from him, just to reassure herself that he wasn't forgetting about her. And that old self would have beat herself up over the whys of the dismissal, permitting him to control her emotions. 

Not the reinvented self. 

Our initial dates (with the aforementioned guy) consisted of trying to put him first and consider his need for space and time. Still, being a girl, I allowed myself time to mourn (three days to be exact) when it ended. And then I went for a run, played guitar and got drinks with friends. Life rolled on. 

They say we accept the love we think we deserve. And if I accepted that situation then I'd be doing myself a disservice. We're not meant for everyone, thank God. We are, however, meant to love ourselves enough to guard our hearts and to love others enough to care for them even when things get messy. I missed some red flags because I didn't do the former. And I missed opportunities because I didn't do the latter.

In the end, it didn't work out. But, if he really looks back and thinks about our time together, I don't believe he'd have a reason to roll his eyes.