New Year

I need to write. It's been too long since I've created something that is my own. I'm hoping this will be an outlet for all the thoughts that go through my head daily...

So as I approach the New Year it makes me reflect on the year that has quickly gone by. This year was a year for new. A year for change. I made a list at the beginning of the year of things I wanted to accomplish. The previous year held heartache and much pain. I knew this year needed to be different.

-Learn piano
-See Rent on Broadway
-go to New York
-go to Hawaii
-Learn photography
-Learn to be happy again

I ran a half marathon this year...I have never been good at sports but running...that came easier to me. It wasn't a huge feat but it was something to be proud of. It's amazing how much our bodies can go through if we just push them and have a will to do it.

I guess this year was about finding myself. I think I lost it in the midst of everything that was going on around me. 2007 was one of the hardest years for me. I found how horribly weak I am when I don't rely on God. I think he took some big things away from me that year. He broke me in so many ways that this year was about putting those pieces back together.

I found my smile again. I learned that while others may think change is impossible I have seen that it is. I have laughed more times this year than have cried (which is a HUGE accomplishment from last year). I have found a joy in the person that I am. I am not my mistakes and failures. I am imperfect. While I still have a ways to go and figure out what my goals are in life and what I desire I think God has taught me that in the end, it's His opinion that matters most. He sees my beautiful chaos and I am loved.

It's still very much a daily struggle though as I try to figure out where I want to be. I desire to travel. I want to live abroad...see the world...dive into other cultures. I want to be free of money and find my happiness in serving others. Yet I sit. I am confined to my cubicle at the Chronicle. I still question if I should be here at my stable job or if I should pursue a career other than journalism.

I want more than this life. I have a longing for something more. I hope to find my place in this world in 2009...or at least have a better idea. :)