Paralyzed by Happiness

I heard a story yesterday on This American Life. It was about a man and his positive emotions.

One day, while showering, he found himself unable to move and his body keeled over, leaving him paralyzed. He began telling himself to just "get up," willing himself to stand up like he knew he could. Finally after a few minutes he stood again and passed it off as a random occurrence.

But then the attacks began to happen daily, more than once a day, sometimes three times a day. Once he found himself lying in a bed of flowers for thirty minutes before he could move again. He began to seek medical advice, spoke with therapists and visited sleep doctors. Three years went by without a diagnosis. Until one day, he got one.

Narcolepsy with cataplexy. The cataplexy is what leaves him paralyzed. Researchers estimate that more than 1 Million people have this disease. While their is no cure and no reasoning for the cause, scientists have been able to find out what triggers the cataplexy.

Strong positive emotions. You know, things like...joy, happiness, laughter. Literally when he feels happy he becomes paralyzed.

Four years since his diagnosis and there is no end in sight. He has to daily learn to hold back positive emotions to keep from triggering an attack.

I thought about this for awhile. To go through life, hoping not to feel joy and hoping that when your wife holds your hand that your heart doesn't speed up. Or that when your children hug you so tightly and exclaim their love for you, that the overwhelming emotion doesn't cause you to collapse.

This last week leading up to the Feeding the Soul Foundation event for GenerateHope on Saturday, I found it extremely hard to sleep. I was too excited to sleep. Yes, I realize this puts me in the same category as six year-olds heading to Disneyland the next day. But I've been this way for as long as I can remember.

Laying in bed at night I begin to think of whatever exciting event is about to happen and my heart speeds up, my brain starts imagining the endless possibilities and my body feels as if it is ready to run a marathon. Typically, this means the next day you'll see a zombie in my place.

So, what if I couldn't experience joy or rather...was cautioned not to?

I can't imagine a life without the emotions of happiness. Have you ever considered the lack of those emotions and the blessings that they are in your life? The act of your heart feeling love or a song bringing back fond memories...you'd have to go without those experiences in order to keep from an attack.

Thinking about all this I decided I probably would have been paralyzed all week if I were that man. Just a 27-year-old girl lying on her bed hoping to wait out her positive emotions.

The event proved another success by the beautiful team at Feeding the Soul Foundation. I was thankful to hear Tristan Prettyman speak on behalf of GenerateHope and share her heart with her vulnerable songs. The Makepeace Brothers wooed the crowd as we danced and Finian Makepeace shared his passion for helping those who have been trafficked in the world.

This past weekend I was overwhelmed with joy. Over 250 people came out to support us and our cause. People spent their time, money and efforts to put on an event that would benefit a new house for the women at GenerateHope. Pure joy.

Have you laughed today? Thought about a new crush? Kissed your husband? Maybe you should consider that for a minute. And then, take a minute to thank God that you are not paralyzed every time this happens. Because life is good and our sweaty palms and beating hearts are daily reminders of this.

The musicians at the FTSF event, photo by www.laurenalissephotography.com.

I've Been Thinking...

It's been so long since I've sat down to write a real blog. It feels uncomfortable. I don't even know what I want to say. Thirty minutes later...I'm still at a loss. Some thoughts this week:

1. Does being single at 27 mean I'm smart for taking the time to learn who I am before saying I'll spend the rest of my life with someone? Not that those married already aren't smart, but for me, it took me awhile to understand my heart and decide on the kind of man I wanted to be with. Or does it mean I'm behind, missed my opportunity, or that I'm not the kind of girl a man wants to call his wife?

I've been to two weddings in the past month. I went alone to both. Apparently that is not normal. Is my final goal in life to get married, have children and live a nice life? If so, I'm failing miserably. If not, then I am doing just fine. Guess I'll figure it out one day...hopefully.

2. What if we spent our entire lives searching for ourselves, researching "how-to" change the world, or getting stuck in the "I can't" mentality? What a sad world that would be.

A few weeks ago I got a new tattoo on the inside of my right forearm. I've debated this for awhile, what will people think, will they make fun of the simplicity of the obvious statement?

Maybe. Probably. And then I realized, this is my body and my decision. So I walked into a tattoo shop and 10 minutes later, I had new ink. I've been thinking about this lately because I think we can spend our whole lives trying to make a difference in the world just by "thinking" about it. We watch shows or people and wish we could do what they are doing for the poor, abused, or hungry.

The beautiful thing is, we can. We are capable. We are the change in the world, we are the reason laws will be changed and people will be helped. We are created with the potential to use our talents for the good of others. But we can't sit around and wait for that to happen through others, we need to be moved to action and do something.

3. I'm at the age where I'm comfortable choosing to only call a select group of people in my life my "dearest friends." These people have shared hard times with me, laughed with me, probably fought with me, and have heard my secrets. I'm no longer looking to add to my Facebook friends list with names that mean nothing more than a number on my list. I accept the fact that not all people I have met or will meet will understand me.

But those who do stick around to find out and love me despite myself, those people I feel blessed to call "friend". Real friendship is so important to me because it frees me to open up and exercise honesty and vulnerability. For those of you who have seen my awkward, weird, and messy sides, thank you for continuing to journey through life with me.

So those are some things that

have kept me thinking this week. This weekend I'm in San Diego for the first time in 5 weekends. I can't wait to enjoy my city. Praying for sun and some acai!