I Am Online

I am an online dater. Correction, I was an online dater. My three month subscription ended this week.  During my time I realized that most of you are online as well. I know this because you are either a woman who opened up and shared your (many, many) online dating horror stories after learning I was also online. Or you are one of the men who popped up in my matches or on searches. Yeah, I saw you and you saw me. Now let's move along.

My feelings after it was over? Relief. Don't get me wrong, it was pretty entertaining at the beginning. My friend and I would scroll through my 'options' and discuss potential candidates like giddy thirteen year-olds. This pic is cute, oh this one is not, but these next two are. Aw he loves Jesus. 

I made her write my bio. It was strange for me to discuss myself in order to make someone want to date me. 

Waking up every morning, I wondered who had scanned my profile and been interested in me. This interest showed in the form of a virtual wink or a message from the bolder ones. Oh, five new e-mails this morning? Great! (Validation.)

This feeling, however, didn't last long. Mostly because many e-mails read like the ones below:

(These screen names are made up, but pretty similar to what's out there)

SDRadMan: I am not a spam although I know this is kinda like a random message to you. You probably get a lot of random e-mails like this so I understand if you don't write back but it'll be worth you're (apostrophe RE, if you know me, you know why this bugs me) while if you do. 

IAmThatCool: I think you should take me out on a date.. (extra period, maybe for effect?)

LoverOfLife: P.s. I can come with great references lol but can't tell them about the dating site because I'll never live it down lol (if you're wondering what he's laughing so hard at, I have no idea either). pps forgive grammer and spelling errors typing on my phone

and my personal favorite...

DoucheBag#1: I am a Christian but have no problem with premarital sex. It doesn't have to be right away, but if you are the no sex before marriage type, we probably would clash a bit in other areas as well. You still interested?

I was not.

I read "Downtown Owl" this weekend by Chuck Klosterman and a certain quote stuck out. "Society is so confused, Mitch thought. Everyone wanted to become the person they were already pretending to be."

To me, this is how I view online dating. Men who are potentially normal in the 'real world' created overactive personalities that made me uncomfortable. Others boasted of daily workouts, their love of travel, an appreciation of art and their great humors. The ones I did go on dates with were far from what their profiles and e-mails suggested. 

Of course, I was no different. Me? Oh I sing, no, correction, I love to sing all the time, I love to travel, I love to laugh, I love love, and whiskey makes the world go round...the list went on. Of course I do enjoy these things but what you don't see on my profile? My highly introverted self, my inability to communicate with new people without being incredibly awkward or the fact that I can't stand Iron and Wine. That confession alone just cost me a few music friends.

We all desperately try to be these people we create on social networks or dating sites. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, we are all guilty of it. I wonder what our networks would look like if we posted honest evaluations of ourselves. Probably not as picturesque. But then again, please don't take away my dreamy pink and yellow hued photos on Instagram that make me look incredibly artsy. No seriously, please don't.

So what now? My guess, is that as a shy 28-year-old my options are starting to diminish. Looks as though I'll have to give the old fashioned way a shot again. Meet a man, flirt, do that thing with my eyes that says I'm interested and hope I see you again somewhere. But maybe this time when I meet you, I'll hand you a business-sized card with my likes and dislikes and maybe a few extra photos of me (doctored to make me look artsy). 

Fingers-crossed.


Or there is always arranged marriage.