New Song: Beauty and Women

I've been songwriting a lot more lately, and last fall I began writing a song because of something I heard in my head when I sat down to write yet another love song: "You can't escape all the lies you create." For me, it's always easier to write about romance and heartbreak, the things that center around another person, and are always filled with so much emotion. 
I guess, when I heard those lines, I knew that I had something else to say that wasn't about being single or in love. Wrestling with my own insecurities, I began to write a song to women who struggle with feeling beautiful, worthy and like they'd never measure up to the world's standards. 
It is such a daily struggle for women, I can't talk for men, but our gender is constantly thinking about each move we make and how we will look because of it. And the truth is, we're all in this together, we should be encouraging each other and lifting each other up. This song is just as much of a message for myself as it is to others. 

I enlisted the help of my good friend Emily Drew, who helped me finalize the song. Then she threw in her rad harmonies and direction, and this is what we ended up with. Mirror's Mirage  https://soundcloud.com/nicolle-monico/sets/original-songs Verse 1: You can’t escape all the lies you create, all the stories you think are true Step away from the mirror’s mirage, I can see that it’s breaking you PreChorus Run and hide, scared of all that's inside Clutching your knees so tight Chorus: Open your eyes, don’t be ashamed Your beauty is truth, can’t you see what’s inside? Tear yourself down, bleed your heart dry Set yourself free, I’m by your side And you’re not alone Verse 2: They always said that you’d never live up Wouldn't be the girl that all the boys choose Brush it off, pretend that it doesn’t matter But you know that it’s killing you PreChorus 2: Run and hide to the demons you fight Clutching your knees so tight Bridge: You are always enough, find the strength that you bear Let me be the lighthouse that guides you home Let me be the fire inside your soul

Grace Learned From Change

Change is one of those things that generally makes me uneasy. It's also something I crave. After high school I started to condition myself to accept change every four years. First there was college in Orange County, then life in the Bay Area and now back down south to San Diego. Each move occurred exactly four years after the previous location. Consistent change.

November 2013 marked my four-year anniversary in America's Finest City. As luck misfortune would have it, it was around this time that two of my closest friends moved away. Then, the first week of December brought about a huge change, a poor choice that led to some unfortunate consequences. Suddenly my four-year itch began to creep up on me, I felt restless and lonely. Add all this to the fact that my 30th birthday was fast-approaching. I felt unprepared, overwhelmed, upset that 2014 was already shaping up to be a bad year.

If given a choice between dwelling on the negative under the comfort of my covers or going outdoors to resist my Debbie-Downer thoughts, well...truthfully, I'll typically choose the former (and did). It's a regrettable part about my introverted personality, and one that has been strengthened through years of practice. 

And then I turned 30, that magical number that many single women fear. It's the same one that has been said to transform us into better women; wiser friends, family members and girlfriends; and more self-assured of who we are. Of course I haven't mastered all those traits in the few weeks since my birthday, but something has been on my mind a lot lately that comes from growing up: grace learned from change. 

Grace for others and grace for myself when life throws us curve balls. Change is inevitable, so instead of avoiding it or running to it to leave behind a messy life, it seems much easier to welcome the benefits we get from it. How much smarter are we because of the mistakes we've made in the past? How much more accepting of other's faults because we know our own, the ones we've overcome and the ones we still need to work on. We're all just looking to make it work from day-to-day and some days are easier than others. But luckily some days are more amazing than others.

I'm thankful that I am not that 16-year-old girl trying to figure out how to get the popular girls to like her; that I'm no longer the 22-year-old who is so completely in love with her boyfriend that she forgets how to love who she is in the process; or that 27-year-old who was afraid to accept responsibility for her mistakes and wrong-doings that may have hurt others.

It occurred to me that grace gives me the freedom to acknowledge the good with the bad and be grateful for both. It's my hope that others would also view me in the same light. Grace allows me to be OK with not being where I want to be at the moment—whether it be with friendships, financially or in my desire to become a daughter that my Heavenly Father can be proud of. Life is moving and I am daily developing. And that, that's a consistent change that I will happily cling to.