These Moments

There was this moment today, while driving home from work. The thick white fluffy clouds above crowded together over Ocean Beach. A picture of an embrace as they came together huddled near the warmth from the sun above. Against the backdrop of a cloudy and rainy sky, the sun broke through some of these clouds shining its brilliant rays on the houses below. It was true beauty and I was given a chance to witness it. I'm thankful for this moment.

A Merry Little EP

Merry Christmas from me and my friend Drew. Enjoy!

"Go Tell It On The Mountain"

"O Holy Night"

"O Come O Come Emmanuel"

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

"Silent Night"

Living Room Songs

On December 18, 2010, I experienced one of the most unforgetable moments I've experienced in San Diego. I was able to watch this group of musicians sing and dance together at the Feeding the Soul CD Release Party. What a great memory that I will not soon forget.

As they sang they allowed the audience to sit in and watch as if watching from their own personal living rooms. We watched an intimate moment between friends. Each talented person that night had their own story to tell through their songs. For those of us who listened, we journeyed into their lives and got to see the love they had for each other. And the bond they will have for years to come.

I have had the privilege to get to know some of them and have found that, along with their craft, they are also a sincere group of people willing to serve others. These are great people with big hearts, amazing voices, and giving spirits.

The song below is one of the many songs performed during the evening. It grabbed my heart and I am grateful for its words and comfort to the enslaved. Those of us fighting for freedom and have seen firsthand the emotional struggles it brings, know that songs like this encourage others to stand up and fight as well. It opens our eyes and breaks our hearts in ways that cause us to act.

You can purchase a copy of the Feeding the Soul CD here. Can't wait till Volume 2 comes out!

(Photos by Natalie Warr)

Dear Mel...

Dear Mel,

Thank you. Somehow these words seem to lack the amount of emotion, humbled gratitude, and enriched soul that is behind them. I came to San Diego to pursue my passion, to change who I was into someone who was working for a greater good, and to see the lives of the women I work with restored and renewed. And in the process I met you. I met a woman who shared another passion of mine, music. I came into your world with such excitement, an outsider looking in, and quietly watching your friends join you for every opportunity to love you and support you. I remember thinking, “I want her life.”

A life filled with music, events and changing the world through the help of a little spoon flooding over with hearts. As I got to know you I saw your dedication to encouraging others and witty personality come through in every moment; never being disrupted by judging thoughts or negative energy. In San Francisco I always felt a little lost in the crowds. My love for the beautiful city was of family, a few solid friends and the richness and culture that came from that city.

But here, I’m no longer lost. I am remembered, invited and welcomed. You have been part of my happiness. With tears of gratitude I write this to build you up and encourage you for being who you are and choosing to accept all people no matter who they are. From the moment we met I felt a connection with you and saw a sincerity in you that I admired.

As I watched your community come together for a night to celebrate you, Vallie and Cat, I realized that you are part of a large and beautiful family. And you have let me sit in and see glimpses of this family work, sing and eat together. Thank you for the opportunity to no longer feel like an outsider in your world. We have our own moments now that we will share together for years to come. We have laughed many times in the past months and you have believed in me enough to share Feeding The Soul with me. We shared the Freedom Awards together, chowed down on cheesecake at the Living Room and sent e-mails back and forth that had me laughing out loud at work. I am honored to have met you and sincerely grateful for you embracing all my colors and encouraging me to continue the work I am doing in San Diego.

Friend, I pray you find strength in all you do and take refuge in your family, community and friends when you go through hard times. Allow us to build you up and bless you when we can. I write this not solely to you, but to those who read it to see what a wonderful example of love you are.

Katy thinks you’re a “firework” and so do I.

Lissie - When I'm Alone (Live)

I am a firework!

Love Love Love

Sushi Love

I like this.

I like this stage in my life where I am continually being challenged and broken down and raised up and blessed. Sometimes I think “How can I experience joy when I am daily worrying that I won’t be able to pay my bills or my rent?” And then it happens, you bless me. You call me and encourage me with your words. You surprise me with a free meal. You hug me. You invite me to coffee. Then I think, “How can I not experience joy when love is freely poured out in so many ways?”

The other night I was able to plan a date with one of the girls in our program at GenerateHope. I called her and ask her what type of food she’d enjoy having. “Sushi!” she exclaimed, “I’ve only had sushi from Target.” So we headed downtown for some sushi and conversation. Unaware of what to order I ordered us four rolls of different varieties to give her a taste of all the wonderful selections out there. First roll – bite, swallow, smile. This was good. Next roll – bite, swallow, smile. Good. Third roll – bite, swallow, cringe. Fourth roll – bite, gag, cringe, shake, spit out. This was not good.

Unfortunately I didn’t realize that by her saying she had tried sushi she meant California rolls only and the thought of raw fish actually freaked her out. As she sat there making gagging noises and trying not to throw up I couldn’t help but smile. This may seem cruel but this beautiful girl was trying to be so grown up and eat sushi like those she saw on television or in the movies.

Thankfully she didn’t throw up any yellowtail but she announced that she was done with sushi and she “wasn’t a fan.” I tried to make up for this with Mochi ice cream. This wasn’t for her either.

Afterwards we headed over to see Alysse Fischer and Dawn Mitschele sing out their stories and their experiences. Both have amazing voices and we were both excited to be there. My date for the night mentioned other musicians she had heard about and we enjoyed sharing our favorite artists and genres. As we left for the evening I was thankful to have been able to spend my Friday night with someone so amazing and excited to learn about food, music and life.

On the car ride there she exclaimed “This has been the best day ever!” She had gotten a call back for a second interview at a job, won the prize at school for a math activity and was now going on a date with me she said. She has been through a lot and yet, here she is, telling me that she is happy, that things were going well for her.

How can I not feel joy in this life when love is all around me? Today I am thankful to be alive and thankful for people in my life who make living in this stage of life wonderful.

I like you.

They Will Feed Your Soul

There is a community that freely dances together; eat homemade pastries with coffee and almond milk and who sing aloud songs of freedom, love and unity. Inside the walls of Jitters Coffee Pub in Oceanside, CA sits three women who created this community. They are strong. They are beautiful. They are gracious. They are Feeding the Soul Foundation.

Feeding The Soul Foundation raises money for local, national and global charities through concerts and events. Since March 2010, FTSF has raised over $15,000 for organizations.

FTSF has many faces. They are a bowl of warm soup for the hungry on the streets of San Diego. They are guitars and keyboards for girls in LA expressing their musical talents. They are the freedom provided to slaves worldwide and the researchers searching for an end to slavery. They are the house that shelters women in San Diego who have been sexually trafficked or prostituted. They are the pink shoes running the race to find a cure for breast cancer.

But to me, they have been more than an organization. These women have welcomed me into their lives and hearts and have encouraged me daily with their service to others and their desire to see a change in this world. They live their lives to bless others and raise their voices to call attention to a world crying out for love.

I have come to know them as friends and women who refuse to leave this earth without doing their part to create a better one. They strive to create a society that is more just, a community that gives more than they take and a world without the word slavery.

At the end of their life when they look back at what they have contributed to the world, they will see lines of smiling and thankful people whose lives they have touched by their donations and their commitment to be love.

I am honored to walk alongside them on their journey and praise them for what they are doing and what they will do. I encourage you to welcome these women into your lives. They will feed your soul.

Wide Open Mind

Do you ever have those moments where you hear a song and suddenly everything feels okay? Like for those four minutes the world is at peace; you forget why you ever worried about your finances or about your future. You listen quietly, eyes closed, heart in tune with every chord and lyric. And you think for just a moment that things will be alright. Maybe this time the song won't end and you'll be safe in its warm melodies lost in your hopes.

But then again, perhaps living in a moment isn't as beautiful as living out today.

The Middle East

One Blue Wren

"How frail the human heart must be - a mirrored pool of thought." - Sylvia Plath

You are my Song

October 11, 2010. One year. I’ve conquered one year of living in San Diego. This seems easy enough to say and even easier to hear. But most of you know me, most of you know the struggles I had with moving here, with financing my journey and having enough courage to meet my fears head on and grab hold of my passions.

I almost didn’t make it. There were nights of tears, sobbing tears, nights of loneliness and quiet lies of failure. I lay awake my first few months listening to thoughts telling me I wouldn’t find happiness here. My insecurities found their place in the dark moments of the night.

This year I grew a little bit taller.

This year I learned what it meant to have $7 in my account for weeks at a time with no hope of a job in the future.

This year, New Year’s was celebrated in cocktail dresses, heels, champagne and some of my closest friends from college at the W Hotel.

I found love. I never knew how much I could care until then. It was in discovering GenerateHope and its Directors, volunteers, and the women in the program that I realized I had lost my heart. I would never be the same and I refused to go back to indifference. GH I’m yours. Tired, weary, broken, strong, empowered, all of me is yours.

I found my roommate soulmate. (I promise this is a “thing”) I owe so much to her and thank her for taking me for all my faults and failures and still being there for me. She also introduced me to someone who I couldn’t imagine living without…our dog…Maui.

This year I met many of you. You’ve encouraged me. Danced with me to Freedom songs. Cried with me. Played music with me. Cheered on the Giants with me. Shared wine over conversations of men, the new, the old and those that could have been.

I met women who daily work to bring awareness to their community through music about the opportunities we all have to make a difference in the world. I met a woman whose passion for others and enthusiasm for life has pushed me to see the good in all things. I deepened my relationship with a girl whose confidence and dancing abilities make any party a blast. And I found my partner in Orange County devoted to the fight against trafficking alongside me.

This year I sang. I sang songs about scientists, Brooklyn romances, my own crushes and stories of women who have inspired me.

I couldn’t have made it this year without you guys. Through all the tough times my heart chooses to embrace the love I have found from so many of you here. You are my support and I am beyond blessed to know you.

This year I took chances. Took risks. Made myself vulnerable. Made a fool of myself. Welcomed honesty.

This year, I became alive again.

Thank you.

Be love.

Her Dance

I wrote this song about an issue close to my heart. Working with the women at GenerateHope I have learned to love each and every one of them and realized they are changing my life. I am passionate about my cause to fight trafficking and restore, empower, and join in on the journey these girls are taking in the house.

This song isn't completely done and may take a few months to perfect it but here's the basic idea. Thanks to those who helped me get my thoughts into song form. I apologize for my guitar skills in advance :)

Lyrics below:

With red lips and a new dress, you step out into the night

Hurry through the motions, survive

Hide the bruises he leaves on your face

Cover up his mess, don’t know why he covers up your name

Your sweet name

And this wild dance you do

No one sees his guided moves

Cause they're in it for the delight

"So you’re it for the cash?

Or is it some obsession, your past?" they come to you and ask

Chorus:

Nobody knows, nobody knows

Tears fill the sheets

Flow through the streets

You don't answer but think of the days

Of ballet slippers and plays

See you’re just a little girl, soft blue eyes, discover the world

Can’t you see that this she’s still alive

You’re just buried deep inside

You've seen his look before

Hollow eyes, an empty soul

Dark despair like the dark of your hair

Think “Dear Lord, is this time the last?”

The only way to get by, surrender again to the dance

You push and you pull

Be Just Fine

i wrote this song this summer.

rough cut.

pretty simple.

enjoy.

Somewhere

fireflies and butterflies

sit beneath the apple tree

baby it's just you and me

flipping through the pages of our black and white history

stories of our childhood dreams and summertime fantasies

of kings and queens and angry beasts

of fireflies and butterflies taking us to castles in the orange sky

we fought the dragons, slayed the giants

sailed away through oceans blue

baby it was just me and you

photo by Mike Bailey-Gates

Rachel and the Rachels: Rollin in the Water

One of my oldest friends and her husband and brother of Rachel and the Rachels. They are amazing people and talented musicians.

Show Your Freedom Colors

So lately I've been realizing that being vulnerable with people isn't as bad as you think it will be. I've seen the freedom in this recently. I've been blessed to work out a situation with a friend in such a real and freeing way. I'm thankful that at this point in my life I can see a potentially awkward situation and laugh at the possible ways of smoothing it out. And then easily move past it and continue living in the joyful moments of my life.

We shouldn't have to hold back our feelings because it's what society says we should do. If it will hurt others keep it to yourself but also learn to throw those thoughts out. If it will make you look dumb, but may resolve the issue, then speak up. People will be so much more responsive to you when you don't sit and stew in the drama. How prideful does it make me when I choose not to be honest with someone because it will make me look bad?

Put others first. Love others more. Show others you are genuine about them and life will begin to be less complicated. Drama-free. There is freedom in knowing yourself and finding out that those who accept you for all your faults are the people that really matter in your life. So don't hold back. Don't miss an opportunity to tell someone how you feel, tell them that they are beautiful today, or that they have made a difference in your life. Be willing to laugh at yourself during the hard times and uncomfortable moments. If what you're seeking doesn't work out, then at least you'll know you tried; and that feeling always wins over regret. Don't let the way people think of you make or break you.

Thanks to my friend who let me be completely honest and let down my guard and who showed me grace in the whole situation. Thanks for being able to laugh with me over it all and put it past us.

Death In His Grave

This song elicits so many emotions in me all at once.

Thanks to my lovely friend for sharing this with me.

Happy Friday!

"There’s nothing more intimidating than that blank page staring back at you."

- Anonymous

image by Simply Hue

Boca Burgers and Soy Sausages

So I love meat. I love a good steak, a juicy burger or a tasty carne asada burrito. I’ve never considered being a vegetarian because of this reason. However, lately with my schedule I haven’t been able to work out or do much physical exercise. So eating has become more of a chore than an enjoyment. I have felt more tired and “heavy” after a meal than usual. So in my plight to get more energy I’ve decided to become a vegetarian for the month of August.

This isn’t because I think killing animals for food is wrong (sorry those of you who do, I don’t mean to offend you), it’s more because I want to see how much meat intake affects my body daily. I know it’s not good to consume too many meats and poultry dishes but I don’t know that I eat enough of it daily for it to make a difference. But this is what I’m looking to find out.

My friend is a vegetarian and when we go out it seems it’s harder for her to choose foods or restaurants because of it. This is the part I’m not looking forward to. I don’t want to be the girl who has to order a salad while everyone else orders burgers. But my body is crying out for a change and I’m listening. Starting Aug 1, I’m saying no to meat…and whatever else being a vegetarian entails.

Here’s to the month of August and trying something new. Who knows, maybe it’ll stick and I’ll be craving Boca burgers and Soy sausages for the rest of my life…

We’ll see.

We're Sorry

I hugged a man in his underwear. I think Jesus would have too.

This story moved me.

Coeur de Pirate

Coeur de Pirate || Comme des enfants from Dare To Care Records on Vimeo.

Thrifty Love

New dress. $3. Had long sleeves and a skirt to the length of my ankles. I loved it, it reminded me of a late 70s early 80s secretary dress. Took some scissors to it, cut out the shoulder pads, shortened it and made it short-sleeved. Sorry for the bad pics, my friend used her camera phone. I love thrifty finds. Happy Friday!

Guest Post - "Hallo" from South Africa

So my friend is doing an internship in South Africa over the summer. He has been updating us via e-mail on his time there. I had to share this latest one because of how much joy it brought me. I read it a few times and it made me laugh each time. Enjoy!

Best Declaration by the South African Government:

Fridays for the last six months have officially been declared "Jersey Friday." It is my dream come true. I get to wear a sports jersey to work and actually keep my job -- it's amazing. Jersey Friday seriously laughs at Jeans Friday. I can't decide if this makes me want to live in South Africa the rest of my life or become the President, but either way it is a great thing.

Most Popular World Cup Song:

"Flags Waving." Do they play the Coke commercial in the U.S. with this song? This song is awesome and makes me want to be good at life.

Scariest Moment in Cape Town:

It was a cold dark night outside the Cape Town train station ... some guy approaches me with a handshake, three teeth and the smell of an internet cafe. I could sense that this was not a great situation. He stats to give me his story about his two children (he looks 17) and his recent bad luck, but how he is changing for the better. I give him the change in my pocket. He explains to me that this not enough and that he really needs a note (a dolla) and that he has knifed people before for their wallets, but he would prefer not to do it that was as he alludes to this knife that he has on him. A king gesture, I thought. I try to deny him 4 or 5 times because there is a decent amount of people around. He pleads with me and gives me one last warning "this is the last time I am going to ask you." I wasn't sure if he was implying that he would walk away or use the aforementioned knife, but judging by the proximity of his face to mine and the stench on his breath I decided to play it safe. I went into a store and had him wait outside and got him a note and some bread for his kids. I am only out about $3 U.S. dollars (mom and dad, can you please send $3?), but would have to be the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. First scariest moment was when a rat crawled out of a garbage can as I was throwing the trash out. Second scariest was this video sent to me by Stephen Donnelly.

Reason I will need to visit a chiropractor when I get back:

My new strategy of not getting called on in class is the ducking method. I learned it from my roommate who has escaped pretty safely from being called on. He simply just ducks behind his computer screen and types away. The only difference is that he has a a17" computer with a monstrous battery and he is short. It was a strategic buy on his part. I have 15" Mac (!Mark Cruise - this is a reference to a laptop computer machine). Thus, the duck method has been helpful for me not getting punked by my professor again, but has been disastrous on my back.

Most widely used incorrect pluralization by South Africans:

"Mornings." You may know that incorrect pluralizataion/lack of pluralization is my ultimate pet peeve. (Ex: Best Buys, Barnes & Nobles, Orlando Magics, Starbuck, How are you doings, Nebraskas, Losts, Mitchell Gerrard's friends, etc...). Anyway, the South African people seem to think that there are two mornings, are afraid that they won't see you the next morning or think that the morning possesses something that goes without saying. Needless to say it makes me grumpier than I usually am in the morning(s).

Pounds gained thus far:

5-10. Sorry Esther.

Most generic roommate names Award:

Room 104 (my room). My roommates names are Nick, John, and Matt. Everyone thinks that Eric is hard to say because of my roommates.


I'll be at the England v. Algeria game tomorrow, so look for the guy in the Gerrard jersey.

Key to Life

Dance Like No One Is Watching

21 Days

21 days.

The number of days we are fasting as an organization for GenerateHope. We will be fasting from June 13 - July 3.

During this time we will be doing a liquid fast (coffee, juices, smoothies) and will be considering what it's like to lose a basic human right. That right for us will be in the form of food. Something so basic that we don't consider it a right, but a given.

The women we work with lost their basic right to choose their sexual partner. Lost the right to say "No" to sleeping with men they have never met. Lost their freedom to be young and worry about clothes and schoolwork; instead they have had to worry about who their next "client" would be. And how many men would visit their bed during the day.

As we fast together we think about the millions of women, children and boys who have had to suffer through modern-day slavery. We consider the change we want to see in this world and the opportunities we have to make a difference.

We give up food so that they know we see them, that we hear them, and that we are here to help.

Stay Classy SD

just because

The Possibilities of Joy

There is an overwhelming joy inside of me that is unexplainable. I've been realizing lately how blessed I am. This feeling is a reminder of the transformation that has taken place in me, forgetting the past pains and moving onto bigger adventures.

On Tuesday I stood outside of our friend's house overlooking the Bay. We grilled hamburgers, ate Ruffles dipped in ranch and devoured homemade cookies and Oreos. As I looked around at all the new friends I had made since moving to San Diego I understood one thing. This was happiness.

I've come so far from and have seen and experienced so much. I was told this week that I "have a vibrant attitude towards life and it's contagious." Had this person been in my life only two years ago, I am confident her comment would not have existed. It's because of this that I began thinking about my short time in San Diego and how it has given me a new hope and appreciate for life.

I am truly blessed and not in a wealth sense. I have less money than I did a year ago and am struggling to pay bills monthly. But living, truly living, is much more than having money to spend on lattes, cocktails and new clothes. Give me my $3 t-shirts and $1 dresses from Amvets thrift-store any day!

The main difference in my life has been my dedication to following my dreams. Doing what I could to work with women who have been trafficked has radically changed my outlook on our world. Each day is a new day full of possibilities and arguing over the small things is hardly worth a bitter heart.

I have bad days. Of course I do. But how can I grow if I don't get challenged? I welcome the hard stuff, bring it on, I've fought through a lot and have made it out joyful.

There is a joy inside of me that will not be wasted on worrying about the future. Here I am, living only for today. Full of happiness.

Bring on the Evidence of my Life

I hear a quiet stirring. A shift in the air stimulates my senses. I see a change coming and my heart sees its rhythm and beats faster, faster and faster still. Our generation is ready, with wills stronger than we knew, with ambitions higher than we thought we'd pursue. Our minds cannot be quieted our souls cannot be hushed.

More and more I hear of twenty-somethings leaving everything behind to help the needy. I've seen passion ignited in friends to step-up and make their lives count. The time is now, our world is suffering and we have the tools to begin working towards peace, unconditional love, and redemption of those who have been oppressed.

She is committed. She is standing up. He is signaling a renaissance that has already begun. We are rallying the troops.

I found this song yesterday and have listened to it non-stop since.

"What a day to be alive/What a day to realize I'm not dead/What a day to save a dime/What a day to die trying"

"Bring on the evening hours, I cry/Bring on the evidence, of my life"

Together we are strong. Together we are one. Together we will change the world. What a day to make a difference. When my eyes close for the last time, I want people to see the evidence of my life and know that I did the best I could to make this life better for others. We've got one life, live it well and live for others. What makes your heart beat?

untitled

Let me live, love and say it well in good sentences - Sylvia Plath

Thursday

I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty... you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. JD Salinger