Madrid, My Secret European Romance

You know those times you're showing off pictures from a recent trip to your friends and with each image you try to explain the vastness of the image or the intensity surrounding the image? And you try and try to make it appeal to them in the same way it hit you when you first laid eyes on it? And then you ultimately realize no words can describe what you saw, experienced or felt? Yeah. That's where I am with my post-Europe blog.
 

I've written this blog a few times, thought it out in my head while listening to "Medicine" by Daughter (on repeat), flung my legs up in the air while laying upside down on bed being certain this act itself would cause the words to immediately spill out of me. Ten minutes into this activity I realized the words flowing from me were actually in the form of blood to my brain. Flip. Blank slate. Again. There is no chance I'll be able to successfully explain my feelings about this trip but it's still worth sharing.

For those looking for a brief overview of my trip, the next few sentences are for you. It was wonderful, it was tiring, it was scary and exciting. I visited Paris, Florence, Venice, Rome, Barcelona and Madrid. I ventured out alone, got lost along the streets of Italy and explored local bars in Spain with another California native. Madrid was my favorite of all the places and Spanish men...well, they were also a favorite. Swoon. It was an experience I'd love to do again and one that I am beyond blessed to have been able to experience.

Now, for the long version. I'm a shy girl, I never know how to initiate conversation with strangers, I blush when I talk to men (all men), and I have no sense of direction. So of course a trip to Europe alone sounded liked a brilliant idea. I'm scared of many things but I have held true to at least trying things once, facing fears even when it makes me want to throw up all the butterflies in my stomach. So on November 9 I left San Diego with a backpack the full length of my body and my passport, ready for whatever came my way.

I had a lot going on life before my trip and it came at just the right moment. I needed an escape. Arriving in Paris was surreal. The lights, the crowds, the language, it was so beautiful and I instantly felt small. There is so much of the world that I want to see and so many cultures I want to be a part of. At least in France, I had friends that eased me into the new journey. Paris led me down streets of cobblestone and through sights like the fog-covered Eiffel Tower, the Lourve, street cafes with foamy cappuccinos and a Brazilian bar where we worked on our dance moves.

Italy proved to be more of a challenge as I entered the country without knowing a single person. In Venice I found myself longing for a friend to speak with about the sights I was seeing, I felt lonely. I imagined my whole trip would be like a solitary journey, one where Kerouac and I could reminisce about our time "On The Road" but you know...without one-night stands and {less} whiskey. In Florence I made my way to the sights and enjoyed some Italian pasta and wines along the way. And I met a friend, through her I was reminded of the reason I agreed to this trip in the first place. I wanted to prove to myself that I was not my shyness, that happiness was not determined by the amount of friends I had surrounding me at any moment.

In Rome, I regained my enthusiasm. The architecture, the culture, the foods. How can you not love a place where the Colosseum sits? The Vatican City, the Sistine Chapel, the Pantheon, every building, every vespa that sped past. It was overwhelming to be in such a beautiful place. Italy won for the best wines of the trip.

Finally, in Spain, I fell in love. I had wanted to travel to Spain for years, considered packing my bags and moving there a few years back. Barcelona was breathtaking. The Gaudi buildings made my heart race and I was speechless at the sight of La Sagrada Familia. The delicate details that went into the construction of it, the stories behind the images and the light that made it's way through the stained glass windows of the cathedral flooding the white pillars with rainbows of color, these images will last with me forever.

My last stop landed in Madrid. I had hoped to like Madrid as much as Barcelona but I hadn't expected it to surpass my love for Barcelona. Immediately upon arriving in my hostel I was able to meet my roommate Jessika who was from Fresno traveling alone. From that point on, we walked all over Madrid together drinking cappuccinos and cafe con leche. Jess had a notion of wanting to look like a local which meant me shielding her from anyone walking by as she searched a map with directions on where to go next. 

We spent a few hours in a little cafe chatting as we hid from the dropping rain outside. We explored Spanish bars and were bought drinks by men much too old for us inside a quaint, artsy bar reminiscent of Vesuvio's in SF. And I danced, with no cares and reckless abandon. If I had a choice, I'd have set up shop right then and there in Madrid. During my time there I had the feeling of a new love in my stomach. It was as if I had recently discovered a new crush and the butterflies would show themselves around every turn and with each new encounter. It was my own secret European romance.

And now I'm home. I'm still shy. I still blush when I talk to men. I still use my GPS to get places in San Diego. But one thing has changed, I found that I could survive on my own without the comfort of friends, family or a home and be just fine. I'm ready to take on new countries without fear.

There's a chance I will find the spirit to write more in later posts but I am still trying to figure out how I was changed from this trip, how I stayed the same and how I felt about the new chapter in my story. It seems like one big tangled mess, so for now, I'm settling for getting out some initial thoughts before it all becomes one big blur. 

Safe travels.

Madrid

Venice

Paris

Cappuccino

Discovering The Quiet

There is so much noise in the world. So many distractions and colored chaos. We crave it and at the same time loathe it. Filling up our schedules, we throw out words like "too busy," "no time," and "can't." We feel a need to have plans and calendars marked with writing on each day. When we finally choose to be alone with ourselves, I think we tend to forget how to just "be", in the quiet. 

Our thoughts jump in unannounced and bully their way into our silence. It's not long before we begin to feel uncomfortable. Bored. Restless. It feels as if our generation (specifically) doesn't know how to entertain themselves without the help of modern technologies. With so much stimulus surrounding us it's hard to accept our down time as productive. We believe we are being lazy if we spend a whole day doing nothing.

A couple of weekends ago, a group of us headed to Joshua Tree for some camping and the peacefulness of nature. On our way home, we stopped in at a diner for breakfast. As we sat, one of my friends noticed she was feeling overwhelmed by all the noise, gadgets and chatter of the people. The feeling was mutual, we all felt a little more tense. Sometimes it takes us getting away from all the noise to realize how important the quiet can be for our souls.

In ten days I'm headed off to Europe. It'll be just me, a backpack, some books and my journal. I'll be alone, I'll be unknown. Being an only child, I've learned to not only deal with doing things on my own, but have come to also enjoy my alone time.

I look forward to this trip for many reasons but mostly, some renewal. I've been in San Diego for two years now and have had some amazing moments and some spirit breaking moments. It's time to step away and reflect on what has been accomplished and what my goals will be for the next year here. 

I'm longing for the quiet. I've been imagining this image of the "me" inside of me. She has on boxing gloves. With fists shooting out in front, she fights the world, fights daily struggles, fights money issues, fights insecurities. 

I'm ready for the escape. My own Eat, Pray, Love...the EP. Here's to discovering the quiet.

Bon Iver - I Can't Make You Love Me / Nick of Time

2011 Playlist

Here's a playlist from some music finds in 2011. They'll just rotate through, enjoy!

November

...you can't come soon enough.

I may never return. Don't worry Dad, I'm only half serious...

We Jump, With No Fear

It seems like lately; everywhere I go I meet people working in non-profit sectors and within social justice ministries. But not just volunteers, they are the creators and founders. They are the people working to create better lives for others. Many are young, intelligent people who could most likely be making much more in the corporate or business world.

Maybe this move towards fixing the injustices in the world has come from our being children of the recession. Maybe it is because many of us have been affected by the job market, the loss of a house, or have seen family members struggling to make it from paycheck to paycheck. I see my generation as one that understands hard work. We understand the value of a dollar and the irrationality of lavish spending. While I am not naïve enough to believe this is true for all people, I do think there are many of us whose lives do reflect this way of thinking. I believe there was a shift in thinking that began when our economy began to fall.

Unlike our parent’s generation, we are not being tied down to mortgages because, instead of buying houses, we buy plane tickets. We are travelers. We want to see the world, understand other cultures. We open our eyes. We jump, with no fear, into the unknown. I believe we are strong, we are passionate and we are devoted to taking part in something bigger than ourselves.

We are dreamers who seek to enrich the lives of others because our hearts scream at us to make a difference. Somewhere in between the September 11 attacks and The War on Terror, we realized that above all, love must exist in our lives. Not only love for ourselves but for others. We must take care of each other.

And with that comes responsibility. But it’s not easy. Those of us who have volunteered with a non-profit or fought for a cause know that it takes a lot of work. There are long hours, days of regretting the high-paying jobs you gave up, tedious tasks of inputting data for the organizations and nights you wish you could spend your evening at home watching TV rather than editing your third draft of a grant application. Yet, we devote the time because we understand that real lasting change doesn’t come easily or quickly.

Recently, my friends began an organization called Live a Life of Love. They are a San Diego based non-profit apparel company that donates 100% of its profits to charity. They believe in encouraging the world to live a life compelled and fundamentally governed by love. They chose GenerateHope as one of their three beneficiaries.  I feel blessed to have the support of my friends and encouraged to support them in return. It is a reminder that we all work together as one to seek justice in this world.

We are children of the recession. We are movers and shakers. We are a community of world changers.

I’m sure there are those who may disagree with all of this. You have purchased a home in the past decade, you are happily settled down and enjoy the job you have. This is just as exciting to me because we each have our own stories to tell. You are dedicated to your families and jobs and learning how to help out your communities. And maybe one day that will be me. But for now, I won’t plant my feet until I have seen the world and fought for justice in every way that I can. This is my story.

How do we change the world? By one act at a time. Through one person inspiring another person. Through ideas that lead to actions. Through saying yes to freedom and no to fear. By loving fully.

I am inspired.

Avasa & Matty Love

Amazing Amy

Family Dinners and Movie Nights

"I'm really glad you're here," she said. This wasn't the first or even second time she'd said it. And yet, each time felt just as sincere as the first.

"Me too," I smiled. 

As I unpacked, she sat on my bed watching "Mean Girls," her movie of choice. She thumbed through my old photos as she watched while laughing out loud at scenes on the TV screen. 

Blacks, browns, blues, now reds, now yellows, greens. My clothes always hung in order of color in my closet, it makes choosing an outfit easier. I had unpacked these same clothes many times over the years. My dresser, old, brown, and beaten from various moves, held my belongings just as comfortably as it did 10 years ago when it was purchased.

But this time, unpacking was different.

My clothes fit in the closet, my photos hung in similar positions on the walls and my bathroom carried all my toiletries. This new home wasn't going to be like any I had lived in before. Nothing about this place would be just another living situation.

"Mind if I lay down?" she asked.

"No of course not, get comfortable"

After the movie, when all lights were out at the house, and the women were in bed, I began to realize what an exciting experience this would be. This home that will be my dwelling place for the next few months is home to women who had been previously sexually exploited. Their lives had been about dark streets, hours of men looking for pleasure, and verbal and physical abuses of pimps. I will never fully grasp any of this. 

But movie nights, ice cream dates, Nintendo contests, these things I can relate with. Late night chats and family dinners, these are my new reality. When I wake up in the mornings, I'm no longer only responsible for myself. I am a house mom, I am there to be an encouragement to the women, to be a disciplinary figure, and to be a friend. We are going through life together and learning from each other.

The next morning, I headed to work and returned home late. I had missed dinner and the women had already left for their AA meeting. After showering, I continued to unpack and organize my room. Hearing steps and voices come through the front door I soon realized the women were back. It didn't take long before I heard her familiar voice.

"Where's Nicolle? Is she in her room?"

A knock on my door followed.

"Come in!" I exclaimed.

This same girl from the night before was eager to see me and chat about our days. She had missed me. I felt wanted. We spoke of the long day and headed to the den to watch a new movie. 

I am at the GenerateHope house to share love for these women. And yet, in the few days I've spent there, I have been shown more love by this woman than I could have expected. I'm nervous about what my role at the house will look like, the times when things won't be as easy. Things will get messy. Arguments will ensue.  But what good is life if you choose to hide behind fear and never step out and experience new things?

I am grateful for this new time in my life and can't wait to see how I will be challenged and changed, even in this short time.

I Am the 9/11 Generation

Story by Carrie Adams, Sojourners Mag

For every American student, September starts a new year. September was a time to put away the suntan lotion and refocus on studies — on more serious pursuits. Gone were the carefree days of summer, and in came the weather that lives perfectly in my memory — those almost orange leaves, crisp blue skies, and the faint smell of autumn in upstate New York.

I remember it like this 10 years ago. Fourteen and gearing up for a Varsity volleyball season, I had it all. I had only one worry — that my dad would forget to pick me up from practice, which he never did.

My class had just finished homeroom – it was my friend’s 15th birthday. I don’t remember singing, but I’m sure we did. I moved into my world history class, I think we were on the Greeks. And then, it changed. My choir teacher rushed in and frantically told us to turn on the television. We saw the hallways fill with teachers.

I remember staring at the screen, watching what had to be a movie. It couldn’t be real. I was too shocked to make sense of it. A boy in my class started to panic. His dad got on a plane that morning and was flying out of New York. He bolted out of the classroom, racing to find a phone, tears in his eyes, thinking of the unthinkable. His fear blinded him, overtook him and his memory — his dad’s luggage was in the kitchen that morning; he had been rerouted and flew in late the night before and was safely asleep at home. We kept watching the coverage, caught President Bush’s hasty, honest press conference, and heard, for the first time, someone say, “war.”

The whole of my political memory has been war. Sure, I was around for Bill Clinton, but George W. Bush is the first president I remember engaging with and my memory starts with retaliation, with vengeance, with war. I have nothing else, but I long to move past it, to find a new way to heal, not through violence, but through dialogue.

And so here we are, 10 years later, looking back on a decade of conflict, still so blinded by our own fear that some of us rage against Islamic centers and spew hatred instead of hope. I am the 9/11 generation. It is the event that marks our lives: before and after. But we see our new world only through the fog of war, through the haze of misinformation that has become the norm. We have the specter of war, but it has been so prevalent that we barely notice it. But when we do reencounter it, when it stares us in the face, like it does this weekend, how can we respond? How can we reconcile our fear and our need for closure? Bush chose violence, I choose peace.

Sojourners and the World Evangelical Alliance co-sponsored a press conference this morning overlooking Ground Zero. (The picture above was our view from the conference.) We brought together voices to remind us of every angle of this event, including the global impact, the ongoing healing, the biblical call to reconciliation, and the Christian response to terrorism. More than 5,000 people have also signed our 9/11 Commemoration Pledge,agreeing to stand shoulder to shoulder with people of all faith and of no faith, who are helping to build a nation that reflects our best values.

I’m proud of this event, not for what it is, but for whom it represents. For the Christians who welcome Muslims into their neighborhoods. For the Protestant firemen who let Catholic priests pray over them that day. For the little girls who sit at lunch tables with the new kid in school. We’ve been instructed to love our neighbors and as far as I can tell, persecution, prejudice, discrimination, and picketing outside a mosque aren’t part of ‘love.’

And so with this September comes another a new year, a time to reconsider our commitment to unity, to mourn the loss of life, but to clear the fog of war and move to a more just, welcoming world.

He's Not Perfect

You Are...

Free-Spirited

Beautiful. I wish this dress was in my closet.

Paralyzed by Happiness

I heard a story yesterday on This American Life. It was about a man and his positive emotions.

One day, while showering, he found himself unable to move and his body keeled over, leaving him paralyzed. He began telling himself to just "get up," willing himself to stand up like he knew he could. Finally after a few minutes he stood again and passed it off as a random occurrence.

But then the attacks began to happen daily, more than once a day, sometimes three times a day. Once he found himself lying in a bed of flowers for thirty minutes before he could move again. He began to seek medical advice, spoke with therapists and visited sleep doctors. Three years went by without a diagnosis. Until one day, he got one.

Narcolepsy with cataplexy. The cataplexy is what leaves him paralyzed. Researchers estimate that more than 1 Million people have this disease. While their is no cure and no reasoning for the cause, scientists have been able to find out what triggers the cataplexy.

Strong positive emotions. You know, things like...joy, happiness, laughter. Literally when he feels happy he becomes paralyzed.

Four years since his diagnosis and there is no end in sight. He has to daily learn to hold back positive emotions to keep from triggering an attack.

I thought about this for awhile. To go through life, hoping not to feel joy and hoping that when your wife holds your hand that your heart doesn't speed up. Or that when your children hug you so tightly and exclaim their love for you, that the overwhelming emotion doesn't cause you to collapse.

This last week leading up to the Feeding the Soul Foundation event for GenerateHope on Saturday, I found it extremely hard to sleep. I was too excited to sleep. Yes, I realize this puts me in the same category as six year-olds heading to Disneyland the next day. But I've been this way for as long as I can remember.

Laying in bed at night I begin to think of whatever exciting event is about to happen and my heart speeds up, my brain starts imagining the endless possibilities and my body feels as if it is ready to run a marathon. Typically, this means the next day you'll see a zombie in my place.

So, what if I couldn't experience joy or rather...was cautioned not to?

I can't imagine a life without the emotions of happiness. Have you ever considered the lack of those emotions and the blessings that they are in your life? The act of your heart feeling love or a song bringing back fond memories...you'd have to go without those experiences in order to keep from an attack.

Thinking about all this I decided I probably would have been paralyzed all week if I were that man. Just a 27-year-old girl lying on her bed hoping to wait out her positive emotions.

The event proved another success by the beautiful team at Feeding the Soul Foundation. I was thankful to hear Tristan Prettyman speak on behalf of GenerateHope and share her heart with her vulnerable songs. The Makepeace Brothers wooed the crowd as we danced and Finian Makepeace shared his passion for helping those who have been trafficked in the world.

This past weekend I was overwhelmed with joy. Over 250 people came out to support us and our cause. People spent their time, money and efforts to put on an event that would benefit a new house for the women at GenerateHope. Pure joy.

Have you laughed today? Thought about a new crush? Kissed your husband? Maybe you should consider that for a minute. And then, take a minute to thank God that you are not paralyzed every time this happens. Because life is good and our sweaty palms and beating hearts are daily reminders of this.

The musicians at the FTSF event, photo by www.laurenalissephotography.com.

I've Been Thinking...

It's been so long since I've sat down to write a real blog. It feels uncomfortable. I don't even know what I want to say. Thirty minutes later...I'm still at a loss. Some thoughts this week:

1. Does being single at 27 mean I'm smart for taking the time to learn who I am before saying I'll spend the rest of my life with someone? Not that those married already aren't smart, but for me, it took me awhile to understand my heart and decide on the kind of man I wanted to be with. Or does it mean I'm behind, missed my opportunity, or that I'm not the kind of girl a man wants to call his wife?

I've been to two weddings in the past month. I went alone to both. Apparently that is not normal. Is my final goal in life to get married, have children and live a nice life? If so, I'm failing miserably. If not, then I am doing just fine. Guess I'll figure it out one day...hopefully.

2. What if we spent our entire lives searching for ourselves, researching "how-to" change the world, or getting stuck in the "I can't" mentality? What a sad world that would be.

A few weeks ago I got a new tattoo on the inside of my right forearm. I've debated this for awhile, what will people think, will they make fun of the simplicity of the obvious statement?

Maybe. Probably. And then I realized, this is my body and my decision. So I walked into a tattoo shop and 10 minutes later, I had new ink. I've been thinking about this lately because I think we can spend our whole lives trying to make a difference in the world just by "thinking" about it. We watch shows or people and wish we could do what they are doing for the poor, abused, or hungry.

The beautiful thing is, we can. We are capable. We are the change in the world, we are the reason laws will be changed and people will be helped. We are created with the potential to use our talents for the good of others. But we can't sit around and wait for that to happen through others, we need to be moved to action and do something.

3. I'm at the age where I'm comfortable choosing to only call a select group of people in my life my "dearest friends." These people have shared hard times with me, laughed with me, probably fought with me, and have heard my secrets. I'm no longer looking to add to my Facebook friends list with names that mean nothing more than a number on my list. I accept the fact that not all people I have met or will meet will understand me.

But those who do stick around to find out and love me despite myself, those people I feel blessed to call "friend". Real friendship is so important to me because it frees me to open up and exercise honesty and vulnerability. For those of you who have seen my awkward, weird, and messy sides, thank you for continuing to journey through life with me.

So those are some things that

have kept me thinking this week. This weekend I'm in San Diego for the first time in 5 weekends. I can't wait to enjoy my city. Praying for sun and some acai!

He Calls Me Norah

Today my friend had this to say about me, in regards to me being like the character Norah, from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist.

"Why you're Norah? Cause she's sorta dry but has these really deep feelings and has tough time explaining them which causes a multitude of odd circumstances with friends and lovers that ends up being quite comical in retrospect."

If only this wasn't true...

A Small Sandstorm

I wish I was here right now.

Quinoa and Me

It's been awhile since I've really blogged and this one is probably not going to be very long. I started Boot Camp this week in an attempt to get back in shape and motivate myself to eat healthier.

So far it's been great and it feels good to be back in the gym again. Paired with my working out I also decided to commit to eating well. I cut back on my carbs, added tons more veggies to my meals and am only eating lean proteins and seafood. I don't consider it a diet, because it's just choosing to eat your daily portions and not stuff your face with sweets everyday (guilty).

One thing that has come from this is my new excitement to cook. I've made all my meals this week from scratch and have enjoyed some time in the kitchen. Tonight I wanted to share my latest meal because it was so tasty!

I made black-bean and tomato quinoa with tofu, a recipe found on epicurious.com.

Ingredients:

2 teaspoons grated lime zest

2 tablespoons fresh lime juice

2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 teaspoon sugar

1 cup quinoa

1 (14- to 15-ounce) can black beans, rinsed and drained

2 medium tomatoes, diced

4 scallions, chopped

1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Preparation:

Whisk together lime zest and juice, butter, oil, sugar, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4teaspoon pepper in a large bowl.

Wash quinoa in 3 changes of cold water in a bowl, draining in a sieve each time.

Cook quinoa in a medium pot of boiling salted water (1 tablespoon salt for 2 quarts water), uncovered, until almost tender, about 10 minutes. Drain in sieve*, then set sieve in same pot with 1 inch of simmering water (water should not touch bottom of sieve). Cover quinoa with a folded kitchen towel, then cover sieve with a lid (don't worry if lid doesn't fit tightly) and steam over medium heat until tender, fluffy, and dry, about 10 minutes. Remove pot from heat and remove lid. Let stand, still covered with towel, 5 minutes.

Add quinoa to dressing and toss until dressing is absorbed, then stir in remaining ingredients and salt and pepper to taste.

*(I don't have a sieve, nor do I know what it is! But I just cooked it, let it simmer with the lid on and added some extra water in the bottom. It worked out just fine)

Try it, it's simple, tasty and makes enough for a few days worth. I made some tofu with it but you can really add any ingredients you want for that. But you don't need a lot of tofu since the quinoa already has a lot of protein.

I've been reading up on quinoa and you can really make so much with it and it's a great source of protein. It also provides more amino acids, enzymes, vitamins, minerals fiber, antioxidants and phytonutrients than most other grains.

Here's to healthy living and eating!

Big Black Car - Gregory Alan Isakov

Music makes my heart jump.

The discovery of a new song is Christmas morning and colorful presents to unwrap.

I am thankful for my ears that allow me to hear music and all its beauty.

Freedom

...and then there are those things we've been meaning to let go of but haven't found the strength to do so. And then one day, we do.

SF Style

As seen on SFS, love this girl and her look. Those heels are bad ass.

These are the times I miss living in SF and seeing all the great style.

I Want To...

{wit + delight}

Antique German Harmonica Collection

sadieolive

25 Things

So in January '09 there was this thing on FB called "25 Things" that everyone got into posting at the same time. You were supposed to tag people on the note and write 25 things about yourself. I found this last night and thought I'd repost it for fun.

Here you go, 25 random facts about me...

1. Strangers always think they know me, used to know me, or grew up with me. It's rarely ever true.

2. I have an unnatural fear of sitting on toilets (other than in my own bathroom and even that one is sketchy to me) and so I have perfected the toilet squat.

3. In the summer when I get too hot to sleep the only thing that helps is putting a wet wash cloth on my feet. Seriously the ONLY thing that puts me to sleep.

4. I love music and spend hours on itunes and reading music mags and do searches online to find new artists and new concerts to go to.

5. I want to do it all. I want to play piano and guitar well. I want to sing in a band. I want to paint. I want to be a writer. I want to be a nurse. I want to be a missionary. I want to be a talented dancer. I want to try it all and learn it all. I am discontent not learning something new.

6. I love to laugh. I love people who have a dry, witty, sarcastic sense of humor and who can dish it back to me without skipping a beat. I also have a weird sense of humor that makes me laugh at things that other people would normally not laugh at.

7. I have a very high empathy emotion. I feel other people's joys and sadness as if they were my own. I sincerely get extremely happy and my heart starts beating rapidly at people on tv who accomplish things or receive surprises they didn't expect. I cry during many reality shows.

8. I'm a hypochondriac. I'm dyslexic, anemic, have A.D.D., arthritis, am an insomniac...I think.

9. I eat sweets instead of real food for all meals of the day.

10. I skinny dipped at midnight with two of my old roommates in Hawaii during Estie's wedding without realizing the beach was known for shark attacks.

11. My closet and dresser are color-coded and within each colored section are organized by dark to light.

12. I love red wine.

13. I blush when I talk to men. Any man, young old...I have no idea why, it has nothing to do with how I feel about them. I just tend to get shy, it's most embarrassing when it's a 60 yr old man and suddenly it's like I'm "into" him.

14. I use the restroom an obscene amount of times during the day (once an hour at the least) and will go pee anywhere when I have to go and there are no bathrooms around.

15. God is my everything and during my ups and downs He is always with me. He has shown me an unexplainable joy.

16. My biggest pet peeves are loud breathers and the phrase "I know right"

17. I love to dance.

18. I'm going to live in another country one day.

19. Apparently I look like Rosario Dawson.

20. I want to live in a musical. I live my life through my ipod and wish that people would start singing and dancing along with whatever I am listening to at the moment. Sometimes I do think they move with the music I listen to.

21. Recently I've learned to throw away plans and live life as it comes at me. I'm enjoying being a free spirit.

22. I'm a compulsive texter. I have 3500 rollover minutes because I never use my phone to make calls.

23. Sometimes I wish I was Tina Fey...or always.

24. I frequently go to the movies alone on Saturday afternoons...it's actually enjoyable.

25. I wish I could live in Hanes Men's Small White V-Neck t-shirts for the rest of my life.

The War - Sanders Bohlke

Sanders, I have a mad crush on you. Just thought you should know.

Untitled

Maybe I'll never be good at conversing. Maybe that is just fine with me.

Adele - Someone Like You (Live at Largo)

Beautiful.

Lost Romance

I miss romance.

I miss being “wooed.” It seems like these days romance is dead, guys who are interested in a girl take them out to drinks or meet them at bars. Girl gets tipsy and a kiss ensues. I have nothing against this but I do wonder where romance went. Does it still exist in men? Can they be so intrigued and interested by a girl that they spend all night writing a song about her? Can they get excited at the thought of merely seeing her for five minutes between classes or on 30-minute lunch breaks?

Remember when you were in high school and you sat on the couch with your crush. As you watched the movie you'd think "Will he hold my hand? Does he think of me as just a friend?" So you'd inch a little closer, your hands would touch side-by-side and finally, he'd gently grab it. With no words you both sit there in silence, butterflies erupting, this was your perfect moment.

There was this guy in my life. He once drove 12 hours overnight to come see me. He had planned on driving the six hours it took from him to me, to surprise me in the morning. He could stay for only the day before having to head back to where he lived. As it turned out, a huge traffic accident occurred and the roads were at a standstill for hours. When it finally cleared up he dealt with morning commuters. Finally, at noon the next day he showed up, exhausted and at my doorstep. He missed my face and it didn’t matter if it took 12 hours to get to see me for one day, it was worth it. This is one of my fondest memories. Romance.

Is it ignorant to think that it can still exist? Do guys still think like this? I’d like to find this.

Sofia in Paris

loafing odysseys

If I Had A Band

I would want it to sound like Adele's Rolling in the Deep. So good!

This Week

Life - 1 Me - 1

Dress-Up and Pizza

There was a time when getting dressed up, putting on makeup and curling their hair was just another part of the charade. Another day in the game. Just another step to creating their alter-ego.

But on Thursday night I witnessed all six girls in the GenerateHope house play dress up again. And this time, it was different. This time they were laughing, they were curling each other's hair and chowing down on double cheese pizza.

Two girls in the house received orchestra seat tickets to West Side Story downtown. That night make-up was fun again. It was put on for them, to feel pretty for only themselves. Each girl took on a task, some curled hair, some applied make-up, others blow-dried. It was the picture of high school girls getting each other ready for the prom. It was beautiful.

There was a time when the make-up would come off with tears and anger would be felt when zipping up the new dress for the night. There was a time when playing dress-up was a lonely experience.

Not this time. They are no longer alone. Despite any arguments in the house or the typical girl drama, all the women worked together for these two women. I heard things like...

"You look beautiful tonight"

"You're going to have so much fun!"

"Wow, your hair looks great!"

And they did look beautiful, they looked joyful and ready for a night of fun that didn't involve anything being taken from them. Instead something was given and something that they could enjoy just because someone loved them.

It's my wish that those of you who aren't able to be at the house can see that your work to support these women and dedication to their renewal has an affect. It's a slow process and one that can't be seen at all times. But sometimes the best things in life are the things that take time and teach us patience.

Thursday night I saw hope and transformation. This is freedom.