I am a firework!

Love Love Love

Sushi Love

I like this.

I like this stage in my life where I am continually being challenged and broken down and raised up and blessed. Sometimes I think “How can I experience joy when I am daily worrying that I won’t be able to pay my bills or my rent?” And then it happens, you bless me. You call me and encourage me with your words. You surprise me with a free meal. You hug me. You invite me to coffee. Then I think, “How can I not experience joy when love is freely poured out in so many ways?”

The other night I was able to plan a date with one of the girls in our program at GenerateHope. I called her and ask her what type of food she’d enjoy having. “Sushi!” she exclaimed, “I’ve only had sushi from Target.” So we headed downtown for some sushi and conversation. Unaware of what to order I ordered us four rolls of different varieties to give her a taste of all the wonderful selections out there. First roll – bite, swallow, smile. This was good. Next roll – bite, swallow, smile. Good. Third roll – bite, swallow, cringe. Fourth roll – bite, gag, cringe, shake, spit out. This was not good.

Unfortunately I didn’t realize that by her saying she had tried sushi she meant California rolls only and the thought of raw fish actually freaked her out. As she sat there making gagging noises and trying not to throw up I couldn’t help but smile. This may seem cruel but this beautiful girl was trying to be so grown up and eat sushi like those she saw on television or in the movies.

Thankfully she didn’t throw up any yellowtail but she announced that she was done with sushi and she “wasn’t a fan.” I tried to make up for this with Mochi ice cream. This wasn’t for her either.

Afterwards we headed over to see Alysse Fischer and Dawn Mitschele sing out their stories and their experiences. Both have amazing voices and we were both excited to be there. My date for the night mentioned other musicians she had heard about and we enjoyed sharing our favorite artists and genres. As we left for the evening I was thankful to have been able to spend my Friday night with someone so amazing and excited to learn about food, music and life.

On the car ride there she exclaimed “This has been the best day ever!” She had gotten a call back for a second interview at a job, won the prize at school for a math activity and was now going on a date with me she said. She has been through a lot and yet, here she is, telling me that she is happy, that things were going well for her.

How can I not feel joy in this life when love is all around me? Today I am thankful to be alive and thankful for people in my life who make living in this stage of life wonderful.

I like you.

They Will Feed Your Soul

There is a community that freely dances together; eat homemade pastries with coffee and almond milk and who sing aloud songs of freedom, love and unity. Inside the walls of Jitters Coffee Pub in Oceanside, CA sits three women who created this community. They are strong. They are beautiful. They are gracious. They are Feeding the Soul Foundation.

Feeding The Soul Foundation raises money for local, national and global charities through concerts and events. Since March 2010, FTSF has raised over $15,000 for organizations.

FTSF has many faces. They are a bowl of warm soup for the hungry on the streets of San Diego. They are guitars and keyboards for girls in LA expressing their musical talents. They are the freedom provided to slaves worldwide and the researchers searching for an end to slavery. They are the house that shelters women in San Diego who have been sexually trafficked or prostituted. They are the pink shoes running the race to find a cure for breast cancer.

But to me, they have been more than an organization. These women have welcomed me into their lives and hearts and have encouraged me daily with their service to others and their desire to see a change in this world. They live their lives to bless others and raise their voices to call attention to a world crying out for love.

I have come to know them as friends and women who refuse to leave this earth without doing their part to create a better one. They strive to create a society that is more just, a community that gives more than they take and a world without the word slavery.

At the end of their life when they look back at what they have contributed to the world, they will see lines of smiling and thankful people whose lives they have touched by their donations and their commitment to be love.

I am honored to walk alongside them on their journey and praise them for what they are doing and what they will do. I encourage you to welcome these women into your lives. They will feed your soul.

Wide Open Mind

Do you ever have those moments where you hear a song and suddenly everything feels okay? Like for those four minutes the world is at peace; you forget why you ever worried about your finances or about your future. You listen quietly, eyes closed, heart in tune with every chord and lyric. And you think for just a moment that things will be alright. Maybe this time the song won't end and you'll be safe in its warm melodies lost in your hopes.

But then again, perhaps living in a moment isn't as beautiful as living out today.

The Middle East

One Blue Wren

"How frail the human heart must be - a mirrored pool of thought." - Sylvia Plath

You are my Song

October 11, 2010. One year. I’ve conquered one year of living in San Diego. This seems easy enough to say and even easier to hear. But most of you know me, most of you know the struggles I had with moving here, with financing my journey and having enough courage to meet my fears head on and grab hold of my passions.

I almost didn’t make it. There were nights of tears, sobbing tears, nights of loneliness and quiet lies of failure. I lay awake my first few months listening to thoughts telling me I wouldn’t find happiness here. My insecurities found their place in the dark moments of the night.

This year I grew a little bit taller.

This year I learned what it meant to have $7 in my account for weeks at a time with no hope of a job in the future.

This year, New Year’s was celebrated in cocktail dresses, heels, champagne and some of my closest friends from college at the W Hotel.

I found love. I never knew how much I could care until then. It was in discovering GenerateHope and its Directors, volunteers, and the women in the program that I realized I had lost my heart. I would never be the same and I refused to go back to indifference. GH I’m yours. Tired, weary, broken, strong, empowered, all of me is yours.

I found my roommate soulmate. (I promise this is a “thing”) I owe so much to her and thank her for taking me for all my faults and failures and still being there for me. She also introduced me to someone who I couldn’t imagine living without…our dog…Maui.

This year I met many of you. You’ve encouraged me. Danced with me to Freedom songs. Cried with me. Played music with me. Cheered on the Giants with me. Shared wine over conversations of men, the new, the old and those that could have been.

I met women who daily work to bring awareness to their community through music about the opportunities we all have to make a difference in the world. I met a woman whose passion for others and enthusiasm for life has pushed me to see the good in all things. I deepened my relationship with a girl whose confidence and dancing abilities make any party a blast. And I found my partner in Orange County devoted to the fight against trafficking alongside me.

This year I sang. I sang songs about scientists, Brooklyn romances, my own crushes and stories of women who have inspired me.

I couldn’t have made it this year without you guys. Through all the tough times my heart chooses to embrace the love I have found from so many of you here. You are my support and I am beyond blessed to know you.

This year I took chances. Took risks. Made myself vulnerable. Made a fool of myself. Welcomed honesty.

This year, I became alive again.

Thank you.

Be love.