The Middle East

One Blue Wren

"How frail the human heart must be - a mirrored pool of thought." - Sylvia Plath

You are my Song

October 11, 2010. One year. I’ve conquered one year of living in San Diego. This seems easy enough to say and even easier to hear. But most of you know me, most of you know the struggles I had with moving here, with financing my journey and having enough courage to meet my fears head on and grab hold of my passions.

I almost didn’t make it. There were nights of tears, sobbing tears, nights of loneliness and quiet lies of failure. I lay awake my first few months listening to thoughts telling me I wouldn’t find happiness here. My insecurities found their place in the dark moments of the night.

This year I grew a little bit taller.

This year I learned what it meant to have $7 in my account for weeks at a time with no hope of a job in the future.

This year, New Year’s was celebrated in cocktail dresses, heels, champagne and some of my closest friends from college at the W Hotel.

I found love. I never knew how much I could care until then. It was in discovering GenerateHope and its Directors, volunteers, and the women in the program that I realized I had lost my heart. I would never be the same and I refused to go back to indifference. GH I’m yours. Tired, weary, broken, strong, empowered, all of me is yours.

I found my roommate soulmate. (I promise this is a “thing”) I owe so much to her and thank her for taking me for all my faults and failures and still being there for me. She also introduced me to someone who I couldn’t imagine living without…our dog…Maui.

This year I met many of you. You’ve encouraged me. Danced with me to Freedom songs. Cried with me. Played music with me. Cheered on the Giants with me. Shared wine over conversations of men, the new, the old and those that could have been.

I met women who daily work to bring awareness to their community through music about the opportunities we all have to make a difference in the world. I met a woman whose passion for others and enthusiasm for life has pushed me to see the good in all things. I deepened my relationship with a girl whose confidence and dancing abilities make any party a blast. And I found my partner in Orange County devoted to the fight against trafficking alongside me.

This year I sang. I sang songs about scientists, Brooklyn romances, my own crushes and stories of women who have inspired me.

I couldn’t have made it this year without you guys. Through all the tough times my heart chooses to embrace the love I have found from so many of you here. You are my support and I am beyond blessed to know you.

This year I took chances. Took risks. Made myself vulnerable. Made a fool of myself. Welcomed honesty.

This year, I became alive again.

Thank you.

Be love.

Her Dance

I wrote this song about an issue close to my heart. Working with the women at GenerateHope I have learned to love each and every one of them and realized they are changing my life. I am passionate about my cause to fight trafficking and restore, empower, and join in on the journey these girls are taking in the house.

This song isn't completely done and may take a few months to perfect it but here's the basic idea. Thanks to those who helped me get my thoughts into song form. I apologize for my guitar skills in advance :)

Lyrics below:

With red lips and a new dress, you step out into the night

Hurry through the motions, survive

Hide the bruises he leaves on your face

Cover up his mess, don’t know why he covers up your name

Your sweet name

And this wild dance you do

No one sees his guided moves

Cause they're in it for the delight

"So you’re it for the cash?

Or is it some obsession, your past?" they come to you and ask

Chorus:

Nobody knows, nobody knows

Tears fill the sheets

Flow through the streets

You don't answer but think of the days

Of ballet slippers and plays

See you’re just a little girl, soft blue eyes, discover the world

Can’t you see that this she’s still alive

You’re just buried deep inside

You've seen his look before

Hollow eyes, an empty soul

Dark despair like the dark of your hair

Think “Dear Lord, is this time the last?”

The only way to get by, surrender again to the dance

You push and you pull

Be Just Fine

i wrote this song this summer.

rough cut.

pretty simple.

enjoy.

Somewhere

fireflies and butterflies

sit beneath the apple tree

baby it's just you and me

flipping through the pages of our black and white history

stories of our childhood dreams and summertime fantasies

of kings and queens and angry beasts

of fireflies and butterflies taking us to castles in the orange sky

we fought the dragons, slayed the giants

sailed away through oceans blue

baby it was just me and you

photo by Mike Bailey-Gates