Somewhere in all the craziness of a job search, the coffee shop conversations with friends and the happy hour drinks, I'd forgotten why I moved here. Doubts have flooded my mind with the "what ifs" and the "what nows." At some point it all stopped making sense, my decisions, my goals, and my choices. I began thinking, "Where do I go from here? How can I make it back to SF the fastest and get my job back?"
Within the few months that I have been here I examined the possibility that I had made the wrong choice. Because I moved to volunteer with a new non-profit I had to find a full-time job to make a living. Unfortunately it was harder than I imagined. I am at a part-time job that I'm unhappy with making almost no money. My optimism in this adventure has left me penniless with creditors calling, bills piling up and a savings depleted.
Each day seems like a struggle in itself. Must look for jobs. Must apply for jobs. Inevitably get rejected by jobs. And finally. must go to my job making coffee for people who rarely look you in the eye.
Because of all this...I doubted. Until this week.
On Wednesday night I had the privilege of attending a forum at PLNU with Generate Hope's founders as the guest speakers. I watched students eagerly learn about sex-trafficking and their community. Afterwards they came up with encouragement and hearts ready to help and abolish trafficking. Watching the video and hearing the statistics on this major issue cut through my heart. I'd forgotten. I'd forgotten why I moved.
At church on Sunday our pastor spoke of a life that may never fully come to fruition. Sometimes our lives can be racked with pain and trouble and we may never know why. But God is faithful and whether he blesses us or lets us go through trials, He has promised a better place for eternity. He says "follow me," without promises of a perfect, safe, comfortable life.
On this same day at work, I met someone who has been an inspiration to me since college. He and his wife sat at one of our tables in the restaurant. Initially I didn't recognize him but felt I knew him. As I approached I realized who it was. Laren Poole. Laren and his two friends began Invisible Children (IC). In 2003 when they came to Biola with their presentation on the child soldiers being forced to fight in Uganda, they opened my eyes to social justice. This began my passion and desire to work in a career fighting for social justice of those in other countries.
In my excitement I approached Poole and his wife. We spoke of IC and I mentioned my work with Generate Hope. I was thrilled to meet them and be reminded that if three people such as myself could create such a huge awareness of their issue then I could as well. IC just won $1M with the Chase Giveaway contest. And all this because 3 young guys decided they were no longer going to sit back and watch thousands of kids being turned into child soldiers. They are an inspiration.
Confused and broke, I am still fighting to figure out what my part is in this thing called Life. But I'm thankful for God's reminders that while I may see mistakes and unanswered questions, He sees my whole life and knows exactly why I'm here. Luckily I don't need to figure it out just yet.
Ultimately I'm excited to see how I can be used to further the awareness of sex-trafficking in San Diego.
Thanks for sharing this, although it might not be the easiest thing to think about or talk about.
ReplyDeleteEver since high school I was thinking about college, and now that I am in college I begin to wonder about the rest of my life. One of my biggest fears is that I won't succeed in the world.
Your entry here just goes to show that if you are serving others and loving God daily, you can't fail. Things may not be great at work, or you may be low on cash, but love always wins.
Thanks for sharing, I hope your luck turns around in the job search soon.
Thanks for reading and sharing. Good luck on your journey as well. <3
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