tuesday

daydreaming today

BART moments

I guess it was right between reading about Raskolinov's dream of being found out in Crime & Punishment, hearing "La Corde" by Yann Tiersen, and watching life pass by me on BART when I suddenly realized how surreal the moment was. Do you ever take time to just sit silently and reflect on your life?

Life passes by so quickly. It seems like there is always something new. New friends. New faces. New locations. New jobs.

Maybe I don't know where I'm supposed to be. I don't know what job I'm meant for. I don't know if I'll ever get meet anyone to drink coffee with me every morning at my kitchen table. But I do know who I am today. I know I'm not who I was yesterday. I'm not who I am going to be tomorrow. But for today, you just get me. I'm always learning about myself and that's exciting but at my core I am God's. And that's kind of a relief. It's something I can count on.

I apologize for the sudden after-school special but you know...suck it up. ;)
Hmmm Yann Tiersen.
Inspired.

sometimes the day calls for a long hug.
today is one of those days...this week is one of those weeks.

leaning on God for all my answers is sometimes hardest when
i feel like everything around me is so uncertain.

...

tomorrow is another day.

Esther Greenwood

So I finished The Bell Jar last Sunday and found myself completely intrigued by Esther Greenwood's thoughts and life. I felt like Plath was writing about me through Esther and could read my thoughts on life at times. Sometimes the conventionalism of life seems so silly to me and I question the things considered "normal" in society.

I loved how Esther's thoughts were more real and "normal" than the thoughts and actions of the people in her world. I find myself quietly watching the world wondering if this is how it's supposed to be. Why do we constantly sweat the small stuff that in the end is meaningless? Do people live their lives in fear of being themselves because of how they will be viewed?

I think it was an interesting view of society and the struggle of women in America. It also gives us a look into Plath's thought life which is interesting because of her own suicide. In the end...I'd say I really enjoyed The Bell Jar and would highly recommend it. Now onto Crime and Punishment...we'll see what Dostoevsky has for me.

I've decided to read more. I want to read the classics and spend my free time getting lost in books I overlooked in highschool and college to spend more time out with friends. My new favorite place to read...City Lights Bookstore in Northbeach. I love that place.

On my list so far:

City and Colour Concert

Slim's, located South of the Market district of San Francisco, opened in 1988 by R&B artist Boz Scaggs. Live music is played against a backdrop of a New Orleans's Manor complete with brick walls and chandeliers. This was the setting of City and Colour's first SF show on 1/27.

I was immediately surprised by the line outside of Slim's at 7:15 almost the length of the building. By 8 p.m. the line curved around the side. For a band who's ticket's sold for $15 a piece you would hardly imagine such a turnout.

Skinny jeans, scarves, v-neck t-shirts, and ballet flats were in high fashion for the women amongst men dressed in – well, the same. Inside I quickly found my way to the left front directly in front of Green's mic. To my right, a Kat Von D look-alike sharing with everyone her troubles with weed. And although she would love to smoke it, it messes up her body. This is news? 

Behind me, three teenagers bent on being the loudest in the club giggling and snapping photos from every angle. I immediately regretted my decision to leave my ipod in my purse.

Finally making their way on stage around 10 p.m. after opening act William Elliot Whitmore, City and Colour's Dallas Green opened the set with "Sleeping Sickness." Tattoos covering his arms and neck, Green stood on stage with Dwight Schrute glasses adorning his face, a light blue button-down shirt and "tube" (beanie) atop his head.

Switching between old and new, Green brilliantly played through a two-hour set and still left his fans hoping for more. As he played through songs from "Sometimes," Green added new rifts and sped up the tempo because "I hate those songs I wrote them like 15 years ago," murmured Green.

Half-way through the night Green's band left as he strummed through a few songs on his own. Best song of the night – "What Makes a Man?" As he sang the crowd, backed him up singing the back-up vocals heard in his album. "What makes a man? What makes a man? What makes a man? " With eyes closed, a large smile formed on his face as he continued the lead vocals.

We later found out that while he always assumes the audience knows what he wants them to do they have never echoed the backup vocals during a tour. He praised SF. I felt proud.

Since Green's first album "Sometimes," it is obvious that Green has redefined himself and his music. "Sometimes" played through melodic ballads with wispy vocals; the perfect setting for a rainy day drive. In "Bring Me Your Love," Green enters into a more rock-oriented acoustic sound that not only enhances his music but shows his versatility. While two very different albums, "Bring Me Your Love" is just as impressive.

City and Colour ended their night with an encore as most bands do. Green laughed at the idea of an encore saying "I don't get the idea of an encore, what's the point of me leaving the stage for 30 seconds then coming back to play? I'm not Bono."

While he's not saving Africa by each concert played...we still appreciated the extra songs. Overall the concert was one of my favorite by far.

my bags are packed

I guess I knew after my first trip to Costa Rica that I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself. I wanted to travel and experience life but I wanted to help people who were suffering. In highschool I never fully understood what that would mean for my life or where it would lead.

Throughout highschool and college I went on many mission trips and led a few of them as well. I always found my strength as a leader when I was on those trips. I knew that I was at my best when I was serving others in other countries.

So now...I'm 25 and I'm sitting in a cubicle working as someone's assistant. When I was getting my degree in journalism I'd always hoped it would be to write about issues that our world is facing, i.e. social injustice specifically in third world countries. I wanted to be their voice.

While I haven't found the right opportunity yet, I think that God is once again tugging at my heart and calling me to a life fully surrendered to Him. At this time I would be willing to go where He calls. The problem is I have no idea where He is leading me. Should I stay in Cali? in the U.S.? In another country...which country?

There are so many unanswered questions and I know that I need to just be silent and pray. God will show me in His own time. I guess I've never been a patient person and I've moved around alot since college never really finding my niche. I love SF but I realize the comfort of this place is nice but I was meant for more. God gave me a heart for his hurting people. I can't sit back any more with closed eyes and ears.

These are some organizations that I have been looking at:

http://www.ijm.org/
http://www.chabdai.org/Home.html
http://providenceworldministries.org/
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php


I trust God will direct me to where He wants me to be when the time is right. I'm ready. My bags are packed.